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From my Jounal

Dear Tyler,

It’s coming up on two years… Fuck. And sometimes it feels as though noone is capable of thinking at my level. That was until I met Gerardo. He knows my every emotion. I never believed I would find someone I could be on that same intimate level with, who I can share every fabric of my soul, who listens to me, and who understands. If he isn’t the definition of what it means to love, I dunno what is..all else is stupid. I’ve always aimed at pleasing others. Always afraid to say what I think or feel. Always the one to have a different point of view.  I used to think that I was so unloving I isolated myself from people and don’t let myself close enough to people to build relationships. And as much as I’d love new friends and experiences I just hate change. I always think, what if I get sick of them, or they sick of me? Then I am stuck again. Tyler how is it possible to feel so stupidly alone in a world and life filled with people?  I sometimes feel isolated in the company of my family and friends.. I find comfort and joy in hanging out with Amber, but yet still I feel lost. I feel broken and I haven’t a clue how I got this way. The worst part is, that how can I be fixed when I cannot identify the problem. Nowadays I find myself not in love with people or things but memories,of how things used to be, how easy life seemed when we were kids. How happiness was my friend and love always in my bones. It’s a mystery to me how and why things change right before ourselves…And one day it hits you that nothing is like it was before and you regret not stopping the changes from happening while you had the chance to. And that’s when I find myself swallowed up in memories hoping maybe one day they will repeat themselves again. I miss you little brother. My memories are all I have left…The bad days will pass? And It’s sad to think I can’t reject certain social customs without being perceived t have anti-social mental disorder. People suck,  a lot will agree. Does this mean were all subject to the same cognitive dysfunction? I think some need to calm down with their self diagnosis bullshit…And Sorry if I’m not as social as everyone else! Little brother I miss you. I wish you were alive to talk to, it is so hard to talk to anyone these days. I would like to say I find comfort in being alone, but I can’t even say that’s a blessing. Each negative thought comes in like a tidal wave… And then I am sad again. Its crippling how completely unhappy I feel. I try so hard to be happy but I think I have forgotten how. Gerardo he makes me so happy, and yet I do not know what is possessing me, but yet I always have this cloud of sadness enveloping me. It comes slowly and then all at once. Covering me in a dark cloud…

fitnessfoodfaith:

a. everything Star Wars on ThinkGeek is 20% off right now for May the 4th (be w you)!!!
b. i just got these suh-weet seat covers for my (black) jeep. 
c. BOOM.
OH &  *d*. use the code PINDROID to get a free artoo pin!

fitnessfoodfaith:

a. everything Star Wars on ThinkGeek is 20% off right now for May the 4th (be w you)!!!

b. i just got these suh-weet seat covers for my (black) jeep. 

c. BOOM.

OH &  *d*. use the code PINDROID to get a free artoo pin!